1 Gifted and Distractible What Do the Labels Mean? The Cycle for Success begins with the extraordinarily important step of gaining a deep understanding of the 2e child''s true inner experience and complexity. Frequently described as "gifted with a learning difference or learning disability," the twice exceptional child elicits misunderstandings and incorrect assumptions. The disability piece refers to learning differences and disabilities that are well researched and understood. Some of these conditions include ADD, ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, Autism, auditory processing disorder, and sensory processing differences. By no means is this an exhaustive list. The twice exceptional profile can also include more nuanced exceptionalities, such as working memory issues, "slow" processing speed, anxiety, executive functioning challenges, or social/emotional difficulties. It''s imperative to note that 2e children''s neurological wiring works against their ability to engage according to neurotypical norms, encourages negative self-concept, and undermines the strengths and gifts that are attendant to their profile. Surprisingly intense reactions to unseen triggers often elicit reactive responses from parents, teachers, and peers.

Having their own nervous system triggered by what seems like out-of-place and over-the-top behavior, parents often find themselves matching their 2e child''s intensity. Understanding the inner experience of gifted and twice exceptional children is necessary for parents to shift from an intensely reactionary model of parenting to an informed, responsive parenting model. Who Is the "Typical" 2e Child? Even though each 2e child demonstrates her own cocktail of characteristics and symptoms, there are similarities. The "typical" 2e child''s experience is one of intensity from birth. She has a rage to learn and master whatever is put in front of her. She feels intense emotions, literally from infanthood, and has sleepless nights, long bouts of crying, or incredibly deep sleep. Perhaps the child demonstrates an ability to focus and concentrate on highly stimulating input. Think of the child who watches the world unfold around her, who stares at a sunbeam rippling through the trees outside a window and casting shadows on the floor.

the child who sits wide-eyed and refuses to eat in places with lots of commotion. the knowledge-seeking child who often and ironically finds school frustrating in an environment where problems and challenges usually first occur. Listen to parents describing their son: We''re the parents of a seven-year-old who was a precocious toddler. He talked early and was deeply interested in everything and everyone around him. He is an incredibly creative storyteller and can build anything. He was a happy, curious, clever guy until kindergarten. Soon we started getting emails and calls from school about Miguel''s "refusal" to sit and listen during story time. His teachers were frustrated because he would finish projects faster than the other students and then wander around the room pulling out drawers of LEGO and craft supplies.

They reported that on the playground he "never sought out friends," but kept to himself, digging in the sandbox or even in the dirt. Somehow, we made it through kindergarten. Our son is a pleaser, so he tried to comply with teacher requests. But he lost all enthusiasm for going to school. When Miguel comes home, our formerly joyful, gregarious son is sullen and quiet. There have been a couple of days when he refused to get out of bed in the morning, crying and asking if he can just stay home and try to "do school" on his own. We recently had Miguel assessed and received a thirty-five-page neuropsychological report that includes a whole host of diagnoses. On the one hand our son tests "off the charts" verbally, but there are also several diagnoses like dysgraphia and attention deficit disorder, slow processing speed, and most worrisome, generalized anxiety disorder.

How can all of this be true when we have such a happy, loving home? We''re being advised to address Miguel''s disabilities before trying to get him into a gifted program. We were told that until we get his challenges fixed, he won''t be allowed in gifted programming. We also wonder what do we do about the generalized anxiety disorder? The psychologist recommends therapy and possibly medication. Our son is only seven; how can so much be so wrong already? Unfortunately, the story above demonstrates a common experience for parents of 2e children. Their formerly precocious learner enters school and is labeled a behavior problem. He is evaluated, and the parents struggle to understand the assessment report and are advised to focus on deficits before celebrating strengths. So much is wrong with this approach. Parents notice uncommon skills or abilities early on in their child''s life, and ironically, once the child begins school, the twice exceptional child often crashes and burns.

In Miguel''s experience, rather than acting out, he went inward. Inward-facing kids are at particular risk for their challenges and abilities to go unrecognized or ignored. They don''t disrupt class or act out in an obvious way. Often this type of child is labeled "lazy." Other times, a 2e child responds to his inappropriate school environment dramatically, by having a tantrum, yelling, throwing, kicking, shouting, hitting, or self-harming. This child is often labeled as "oppositional" and "defiant." In both cases, the child receives negative feedback at school and at home. In both cases, typically the real underlying reasons for behavior are simply misunderstood.

In my practice, the biggest groups of parent clients seeking support are those who have children in third, eighth, or eleventh grade, when demands for output increase. The twice exceptional child can no longer mask his learning differences, views busywork as an affront to his internal moral code, or suffers because his weak executive functioning skills are tapped beyond his capabilities. Misunderstanding Gifted Much of the misunderstanding and, therefore, ineffective responses to 2e children are because most people assume that the "gifted" label means smart and talented, that the child has it easy, that schoolwork is a breeze, and that as a parent you are lucky if your child is "gifted." What most people fail to understand is that intellectual acumen is only a small part of the gifted experience. Strong sense of justness and fairness, unhealthy perfectionism, intensity, and often a lag in social/emotional maturity are identified in the literature as defining characteristics of giftedness and, by extension, twice exceptionality. Simultaneously, the learning difference part of twice exceptionality does not necessarily exclude strong intellect. When outward expressions of twice exceptionality manifest more obviously as challenges, most adults in a 2e child''s life spend more time addressing the child''s disability. Parents are advised by medical or education professionals to have their child evaluated.

Receiving a neuropsychological evaluation from a psychologist or therapist well versed in gifted and 2e provides excellent assessment information and suggested interventions, but these professionals are hard to find. (We discuss evaluations later, in chapter 4.) The more typical evaluation experience includes results that focus on deficits. Rarely are parents advised to research and address their child''s giftedness, let alone taught that a gifted identification means something beyond advanced intellectual abilities. (We explore this in chapter 2.) With an emphasis on challenges, a misunderstanding of the gifted experience, and confusion about next steps, parents often set off on a path that further underscores their child''s challenges, without an accurate perception of needs or how strengths can serve to offset struggles. It''s as if parents of a 2e child suffer whiplash from their child''s uneven abilities and disabilities. Twice exceptional children often display intense behavior and emotions as soon as they enter this world.

In some cases, this is rewarding for parents-"Wow, look what my kid can do!" For other parents it''s exhausting, and they spend a lot of time trying to contain their child so they and others around them can gain some "peace and quiet." In most cases there is both-awe at the twice exceptional child''s abilities and frustration and confusion at their challenges. A typical expression to describe the 2e person''s experience is, "Easy things are hard and hard things are easy." Consider this anecdote from a client describing her seven-year-old child: Our son came downstairs the other day and loudly sighed and grunted, "Why is life so hard?!" He was complaining about getting dressed! The task was interrupting the flow of his thoughts and creative process as he planned his next LEGO build. If this type of expression by the 2e child is dismissed or punished, the kernel of frustration is never addressed, and the child feels invalidated and out of sync. A failure to recognize this child''s very real difficulty with transitions and struggles when shifting tasks leads to the typical response, "Are you kidding? Just get dressed!" Parents'' reactions are based on inappropriate expectations for neurotypical behavior in the face of a neurodiverse reality. Twice exceptional kids know they''re different from those around them-siblings, parents, and peers. Attendant strengths and struggles are confusing for the grown-ups, and the 2e child is ill-equipped to understand why they feel, react, or elicit the responses th.