1 Do our memories hurt when they come back? Or do they start to heal when they return, and then we realize they've been hurting all that time? We travel within them. We are their passengers. I have a letter and an unresolved memory. The letter is from my grandmother Blanca, its lines slightly faded. The memory is mine, although it doesn't belong only to me. Its fear is the same as always: to disappear before being told. I'm going to travel backwards. 2 I was born with my eyes wide open, and, unaware of the protocol, I refused to cry.
The doctor held me up against the light, as if I were a sheet of thick paper. I stared back at him, with curiosity I suppose. He asked my mother what I was to be called. Andrés, she replied, is anything the matter, Doctor Riquelme? I don't know, he said, examining me with a slight look of horror, this baby won't cry, he simply looks. Is that bad, Doctor? More or less, señora; let's put it this way: if the boy becomes too accustomed to looking, then he'll have to learn to cry. It was a mid-day in January 1977. Given the political situation in Argentina at the time, Doctor Riquelme found me far too serene. Since he was averse to using violence, he began to talk to me in a kindly whisper: Andrés, Andresito, why won't you cry, eh? Just a bit.
A tiny little bit. Go on, cry. My mother watched on tenderly: doubtless this was my first man-to-man conversation. Señora, the doctor declared, this baby needs to cry right this instant, do you hear me? It's all about his lungs. What shall we do? asked my worried mother. Doctor Riquelme gestured to the midwife and then lifted me level with his forehead, squaring up to me. He encountered two round, bewildered eyes. I remained stubbornly silent.
Doctor Riquelme had no choice but to yell at me: Will you just cry, damn it, mother-fucking sonofabitch! Instantly, tears began to fill my myopic cat's eyes. On the far side of the bed, next to my mother's spread-eagled legs, the midwife declared: That's that then. This boy is going to need a bit of discipline.