What Does Everyone Get Wrong about Autism? ELORA: I think a lot of people view Autism as a glitch in the system, a problem, a mistake. Religious people might see it as a test from God. Parents might see it as a terrifying enemy. Schools might see it as a threat to the delicate balance of their organization. People seem to see Autism as something that disrupts their normal. But us Autistics spend a lot of time wondering if people should be so committed to "normal" in the first place. CAT: Yes, exactly! Autistics spend so much time asking why the rules are the way they are because we keep breaking them by mistake. And there''s no logic to so many of them.
Everyone''s just so hive-minded and decided that''s how it would go. And it''s our fault somehow for not getting the memo. E: I think that Normies''s use of social rules is pretty cool-they''re shortcuts for when you don''t know how to handle a situation, or how to behave. Normies are polytropic, meaning their brains are designed to focus on several different things at once. Just a guess here, but I think the social rules Normies have developed serve as shortcuts so they don''t get too caught up in any one thing. It helps them from having to focus too much on any one issue when their brain is meant to spread its energy on a lot of different things at once. C: It would really be a huge help to know all these annoying shortcuts. Maybe make a Wiki or something.
I think you''re right, there''s rituals and shorthand that they use, like their own language. E: Yeah. Just because the shortcuts help them doesn''t mean they help everyone. What do you wish Normies knew about how your Autistic brain works? C: Honestly? The biggest problem is that I don''t really know how my brain is different. I''ve never experienced any other kind of brain. The only clues I have are when someone who''s not autistic does something weird and I realize our brains are working differently. I think I''d start with just helping people understand that brains do work differently. Not everyone thinks the same way you do.
That''s totally okay, and it doesn''t merit a huge freak out when someone isn''t getting your point. People get so upset when they expect you to act one way and you don''t. If you don''t want a real response, just tell me what you want me to say! How about you? What do you wish allistics knew about your brain? E: Mostly I just wish that society at large, Autistics and everyone else too, understood that brains aren''t "good" or "bad" based on how easily they fit into the systems chosen for them. A metaphor I use a lot when describing disability to kids is: "Imagine that you''re a mermaid who lives in a world of fairies. How would you survive out of the water? How would you get around without wings? How would you get anything done without a magic wand? Would you be excluded? In pain? Embarrassed? Would you need extra help from the fairies? Does all that struggle mean that being a mermaid is bad? No! Mermaids are super cool! But a mermaid in a world of fairies would seem ''broken'' all day, every day." That''s how I feel as an Autistic person. I''m a mermaid in a world of fairies. And it''s really hard, but I''m not someone to look down on.
I''m super cool the way I am, even if it''s not easy. C: It''s not easy because people aren''t accepting. A lot of people treat me differently when I mention I''m autistic, even after knowing me for months. It''s not something to pity or look down on. It''s just who I am! But there''s a big difference between what people think autism is and what it actually is, so I guess it''s not surprising. Just really, really annoying. E: For me, the hardest part of conversations like this is trying to hold space for people who disagree. Lots of Autistics don''t like being Autistic, and would change it if they could, and that''s ok.
People are allowed to feel however they want to feel about their own challenges. I just don''t feel that way myself. C: I don''t blame those people. It is hard being autistic. But I still adamantly believe that the hardest part is people refusing to make room for us. It''s weird how differently you learn about autism in different professions. I''ve studied autism from a few different perspectives: nursing, social work, and education. And I found that the way autism was talked about always felt incomplete.
It always seemed to come back to this idea of the eight-year-old autistic boy in special education, or whatever. It''s why I took so long to get diagnosed. I didn''t see myself in those studies. Yeah, all of my own stuff was there, but it was not described in a way that really looked like me! I knew, for example, that I had had some issues with social situations, but I didn''t recognize that I was having meltdowns because they were all on the inside. They didn''t look like the meltdowns you might see in a clinical setting. So I didn''t know my brain worked differently because I didn''t know what the default was. And naturally there aren''t a lot of visibly autistic women out there to see and think, "Oh hey, that''s me!" E: I feel similarly. It really hurts to be so different and not know how or why.
Sometimes the best cure for a problem is to give the problem a name. Maybe once you learn more about it, it won''t seem so bad anymore. C: It was such a relief putting a name to what made me different. At first I panicked, but then it was euphoria. I''m autistic-nothing is wrong with me! Even when I thought autism was a problem, it was still a relief to know that there was a reason I struggled so much, it wasn''t just that I wasn''t trying hard enough. I think when people see an autistic person they think that person isn''t trying hard enough. But they don''t know that person is trying so hard. If they knew what to do, they''d do it-they''re using all their strength just trying to figure it out! But it shouldn''t have to be so hard.
What''s the end goal anyways? To be just like everyone else? What''s the fun in that? Every once in a while you meet someone who''s completely off the wall and they''re the most fun people in the world! E: I completely agree. Autism is amazing. I wish the world could see that. My dog Panda is so loud and barks constantly, all day. She''s stinky and noisy and steals shoes and sometimes pees on the floor. But she''s also my best friend and has made my life so much better. She sleeps next to me, which makes me less afraid of nightmares. Because she barks at everything and seems scary, I know I''m safe from burglars.
They won''t mess with her! Because she''s so high-energy, she pushes me to run around and have fun too! When she steals my shoes, sometimes it''s kind of funny and I laugh at how silly she seems. My Autism is a lot like my dog Panda. It''s annoying and hard to deal with sometimes, but I wouldn''t trade it for the world. It makes my life better, even though it also makes my life harder. And I love it, just like I love Panda. C: I feel a similar way about my son! He''s exhausting and my single friends never really got it and he makes things so much harder and more complicated, but I wouldn''t wish it any other way.