Introduction 1 1 Those Who Are Bullied and the Harms 11 What Is "Bullying?" 11 Students Who Are Bullied 14 Bullied and Hurtful Students 14 Bullied Students 16 Identity-based Bullying 17 Societal Values of the Local Community 19 Identities 19 Implicit Bias and Microaggressions 22 Complicated History of Focus on Microaggressions 24 Ineffective Efforts to Change Implicit Bias 26 Implicit Bias in Schools 27 Respectful Dialogue 29 My Thoughts 30 The Harms of Bullying 31 Trauma 32 Academic Performance and Absences 34 Suicide and Self Harm 35 School Violence 36 2 Those Who Bully 39 The Quest for Dominance and Social Status 39 Public Stereotype 40 Motivations for Bullying 44 Successful Outcomes of Proactive Aggression 46 Situation Dynamics 47 Rationalizations 48 Bidirectional Aggression or Impulsive Retaliation 49 Bullying by School Staff 50 3 Lack of Effectiveness of Anti-bullying Efforts 55 Lack of Effectiveness 55 Survey Data on Bullying 55 Bullying and Cyberbullying Data 57 Current Anti-bullying Approach 58 Effectiveness of Prevention Programs 58 Student Perspectives of Staff Effectiveness 58 Effectiveness of "Tell an Adult" 59 Statutes and Directives 61 State Statutes and District Policies 62 The Problems 63 Shift of Focus Away from the Harmed Student 64 Lack of Effectiveness of Punishments 64 Enumeration of Specific Characteristics 64 Substantial Disruption Standard 65 Reduce Exclusionary Discipline 65 Required Public Bullying Reports 66 Characteristics of Hurtful Students 68 Failure to Consider the Data 68 Institutional Betrayal 70 What Schools Should Be Doing 72 4 Youth Development, Trauma, and Post-traumatic Growth 73 Key Areas of the Brain 73 Prefrontal Cortex - Thinking Center 74 Anterior Cingulate Cortex - Emotional Regulation Center 74 Hippocampus - Memory Center 74 The Amygdala - Threat Response Center 75 Neurons and Neural Pathways 76 Feel Good Hormones - DOSE 76 The Brain Development Process 77 Stages of Brain Development 78 Sensorimotor Stage 79 Preoperational Stage 79 Concrete Operational Stage 79 Formal Operational Stage 80 Teen Development 81 Key Developments During the Teen Years 82 Identity Development 82 Moral Development 83 Peer Relationships 84 Greatest Risks During the Teen Years 84 Acting Without Thinking, Especially When Upset 84 Failing to Predict the Consequences of Their Actions on Others 85 Playing "Follow the Leader" 85 Judging Their Value Based on Attention from Others 86 Experiencing Trauma and Distress 87 Focus on the Negative and Possible Threats 88 Intergenerational Trauma 90 Asking for Help 91 Your Child''s Brain Can Change 92 Post-traumatic Growth 93 5 Positively Powerful 95 Insight into Resilience 95 Positively Powerful 97 The Magic 5 : 1 Ratio 98 The 40-day Experiment 99 Reflective Listening 100 Empowerment-building Strategies 101 Make Positive Connections 102 Be a Good Friend 102 Friendships Insight 102 Insight on Friendships to Share with Your Child 103 Connect with Trusted Adults 104 Trusted Adults Insight 104 Insight on Connecting with Trusted Adults to Share with Your Child 106 Reach Out to Be Kind 107 Be Kind to Others 107 Kindness Insight 107 Insight on Kindness to Share with Your Child 109 Act in Service 110 Acting in Service to Others Insight 110 Insight on Acting in Service to Share with Your Child 111 Build My Strengths 111 Be Proud 111 Being Proud Insight 111 Insight on Being Proud to Share with Your Child 112 Strengthen My Character 113 Character Strengths Insight 113 Insight on Character Strengths to Share with Your Child 115 Embrace Failure 116 Growth Mindset Insight 116 Insight on Growth Mindset to Share with Your Child 118 Focus on the Good 118 Find the Joys and Be Thankful 119 Insight into Happiness and Gratitude 119 Insight on Focusing on Happiness and Gratitude to Impart to Your Child 121 Personal Power Insight 122 Be Mindful 123 Practice Calmness 123 Mindfulness Insight 123 Insight on Mindfulness to Share with Your Child 124 Keep My Cool 126 Self-regulation Insight 126 Insight on Self-regulation to Share with Your Child 129 Keep My Personal Power 131 Hold Myself Tall 131 Powerful Presence Insight 131 Insight on Powerful Presence to Share with Your Child 132 Control My Thinking 133 Rational Thinking Insight 133 Insight on Controlling Their Thinking to Share with Your Child 134 Release and Let Go 135 Forgiveness Insight 135 Insight on Forgiveness to Share with Your Child 136 Think Things Through 137 Think Things Through 137 Problem-solving Insight 137 Insight on Problem Solving to Share with Your Child 139 Focus on My Future 140 Future Directed Thinking Insight 140 Insight on Goal Setting to Share with Your Child 142 6 Positively Powerful Strategies for Those Being Treated Badly 145 Understand Hurtful Behavior as a Power Game 145 What Young People Think 146 Positively Powerful Strategies 147 Make Positive Connections 147 Reach Out to Be Kind 148 Build My Strengths 149 Focus on the Good 149 Be Mindful 150 Keep My Personal Power 150 Think Things Through 150 Positively Powerful in Hurtful Situations 151 Engaging in Conflict Resolution 153 Responding to Hurtful Acts That Were Not Intended to Cause Harm 154 Assert-with-care Communications 155 Digital Communications to a Hurtful Student 156 Digital Communications to a Hurtful Staff Member 157 Start a Positivity Ripple 158 7 Positively Powerful Strategies for Those Being Hurtful 161 Stop, Own It, and Fix It 161 Basis of Hurtful Behavior 161 Feel Out of Control 161 Retaliation - Often Impulsive 162 Want to Be Considered "Popular" and "Cool" 162 Two Types of Leadership 162 Rationalizations 163 Be Positively Powerful Strategies 164 Make Positive Connections 164 Reach Out to Be Kind 165 Build My Strengths 165 Focus on the Good 165 Be Mindful 165 Keep My Personal Power 165 Think Things Through 166 Stop 166 Focus on Your Personal Values 166 Avoid Retaliation 167 Own It and Fix It 168 8 Positively Powerful Strategies for Close Relationships 171 Enhancing Important Relationships in a Positively Powerful Way 171 Foundations of Close Relationships 172 Healthy or Unhealthy Relationships 172 Communication: Essential to Healthy Relationships 172 Characteristics of Healthy Relationships 173 Evidence of an Unhealthy Relationship 173 Consent 173 Times of Difficulty 174 Relationship Break-ups 174 Be Positively Powerful Strategies 175 Disrupted Relationships 176 9 Positively Powerful on Social Media 179 Positive Empowerment When Using Social Media 179 Historical Background 179 The Good News 182 Active and Positive Parenting 183 Through the Years 183 General Guidelines 184 Cyber-safe Kids 185 Cyber-savvy Teens 186 Do Not Let Them Tell You That You Are Not Good Enough 187 Capturing Your Eyeballs and E-wallet 187 Influencer Marketing 188 Data Collection and Advertising Strategies 188 Pain or Anger Points 189 Understand Teen Pain Points 190 Adding These Two Practices Together 191 Help Your Child to Keep Their Personal Power 192 Think Before You Post 192 Remember, What You Do Reflects on You 192 Positively Powerful Strategies 194 Keep Your Life in Balance 194 Avoid Addictive Use of Social Media 194 Positively Powerful Strategies 195 Connect Safely 196 Interact Safely with Others Online Interact Safely with Friends, Friends of Friends, Acquaintances, and Strangers 196 Detecting and Avoiding Dangerous People Online 197 Meeting in Person 199 Protect Your Face and Friends 200 Use Social Media Safely and Responsibly 200 Read with Your Eyes Open 200 Assess the Credibility of Information and Trustworthiness of People 200 Embrace Digital Civility 202 Foster Positive Relationships in Digital Communities 202 Positively Powerful 202 Be a Helpful Ally 203 10 Be a Powerfully Positive Helpful Ally and Leader 205 Being a Helpful Ally and a Leader for Positive Change 205 Positively Powerful Strategies for Empowered Leadership 205 Make Positive Connections and Reach Out to Be Kind 206 Build My Strengths 206 Focus on the Good 207 Keep Your Cool and Keep Your Personal Power 207 Think Things Through 207 Being a Helpful Ally 207 Safety Concerns 208 Step in to Help 209 Ways Your Child Can Step in to Help 209 Step in to Help in Hurtful Situations 210 Help a Friend in Difficult Times 210 Help Others Resolve Conflict 211 Say "Stop" 211 <.