1. Get Ready GET READY Preconception health, buying the perfect prenatal vitamin, creating your first baby budget, and preparing for parenting If you are already pregnant, congratulations, and keep reading; there is still plenty here for you. Pregnancy preparation is almost always focused on a woman''s physical health and what to eat and do. While less discussed parts of the experience like quitting birth control (and its accompanying gnarly hormone changes) are important to understand, if your partner is providing sperm, they should commit to a cleanup, since their health impacts fertility, pregnancy, and future children too. It''s not just about the raw materials. Most new parents will tell you their relationship changed after having a baby. Some shift in wonderful ways, like feeling more bonded. Other changes are less great, like having limited time together (at least, sans baby), less frequent sex and intimacy, or experiencing feelings of bitterness tied to lopsided responsibilities.

And how could such a major event not change things? Family therapists suggest talking about your individual and shared parenting and life expectations early and often before the fog of pregnancy hormones descends. Topics can span the financial and personal implications of childcare, parental leave, sharing baby care and household duties, and values related to how you want to raise your child. Why do this now? Resentment is a huge issue for many couples. More women stay home to take care of their families than men, and almost all women, regardless of their professional status, take on more household responsibilities. Even in families where both partners work, moms do most scheduling and cleaning and are more likely to stay home when children get sick. In the early days with an infant, especially if you''re breastfeeding, an equitable division of baby care is not a realistic goal--unless men can be biologically reprogrammed to lactate. But there are plenty of ways your partner can contribute (sanitation crew, anyone?). Pregnancy is the wildest transformation of most women''s lives.

At times, you won''t feel, look, or even act like yourself. And no matter how marvelous or tuned-in your partner is, they will not completely understand the physical and emotional undertaking that is growing another human. Instead of expecting psychic powers to miraculously appear, tell them directly how to best support you, and be honest about how you''re feeling. Ask them the same questions. They aren''t living with the day-to-day of pregnancy, but this is a seismic transition for them, too. FOR PARTNERS Speaking of partners, hello, you! Hopefully you''re reading the whole book, but for those skimming, these sections are packed with the advice experienced parents wish they''d known. Before our first chat, let''s say the quiet part out loud: Your role (and you) will often feel secondary. But there are plenty of ways to get involved before, during, and after pregnancy.

Think of these callouts as cheat codes to anticipate and sidestep the common issues couples encounter and keep your relationship healthy. Starting now. Take your lifestyle and health seriously Women''s bodies and choices are blamed first if conception is a struggle--not, if you are a heterosexual male, on you. Ironically, around half of all fertility issues are related to sperm and men''s bodies (one-third are exclusively related to women, one-third to men, and one-third are a combination or unknown). Given that you are contributing half of your child''s genetic material, what you do matters, too. Eating a diet packed with whole, unprocessed foods (especially avoiding added sugars and trans fats), staying active, moderating alcohol consumption, and avoiding sperm killers like saunas, cycling, smoking, THC and other recreational drugs, and steroids is a great place to start. No need to load up on supplements unless you have a deficiency--a high-quality multivitamin or a prenatal formulated for men is plenty. Be patient and keep things light Conception can quickly become a stressful and obsessive process, especially timing sex during fertile windows.

Add hormonal changes (if a woman just quit taking birth control) or worry when things don''t happen immediately, and any joy in the creation of new life can vanish. Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Be patient, find ways to defuse the anxiety, and keep life fun. Schedule a date night. Keep each other distracted, especially if getting pregnant takes longer than you''d like. Communicate openly, and even if you''re not the type to talk about your feelings, be honest about how you are dealing. BOOK A PRECONCEPTION CHECKUP If you already have a physician in mind to manage your prenatal care, now is a great time to schedule a chat about improving your fertility and how to have a healthy pregnancy. Not sure? Set an appointment with your ob-gyn or gynecologist. Yes, partners, this advice is for you, too.

Some prescription drugs impact sperm quality and quantity, so ideally, book an appointment at least three months before you start trying to conceive (TTC) so you can adjust if needed. When you go in for an appointment, prepare for a slew of questions that will determine whether your pregnancy will require anything beyond standard-issue prenatal care, or extra steps during conception. Partners, you''ll hear many of the same questions, especially related to lifestyle, family history, and genetic screenings. Here are the topics you can expect to discuss: Age Family history Gynecological history (state of your menstrual cycle, current or past methods of birth control, STDs or abnormal Pap smears, history of infertility or past pregnancies) Medical history (preexisting conditions, past surgeries or hospitalizations, exposure to infectious diseases) Medications and allergies (all prescription or OTC medications and supplements, including prenatal vitamins, and known allergies) Vaccinations (childhood history, Tdap [tetanus, diphtheria, acellular pertussis], flu shot, and upcoming travel requiring vaccines) Lifestyle (profession; hobbies; relationship status; use of drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine; exercise, weight and dietary history) Emotional history (history of anxiety, depression or mood disorders, eating disorders, current or past domestic violence or sexual assault/rape) Genetic carrier screening (family history of birth defects, abnormalities, inherited disorders, miscarriage, or stillbirth) Depending on the answers, your physician may order tests, get you up-to-date with missing vaccines, and make lifestyle-related suggestions. While it''s tempting to downplay questionable behavior with your physician, now is not the time for half-truths. One common example: Studies show that women often conceal how much alcohol they consume. If your practitioner is given incomplete or slightly fudged information, they can''t provide the best care. So both of you: Please tell the truth.

Now back to you, ladies. Let''s get real: Pregnancy is a weird time for your body. New medical problems can start, ongoing issues can get worse, and all these changes can affect the safety and efficacy of medications you''ve taken for years. If you have a chronic condition, or take anything to manage your health, it''s important to chat with your prescribing physician before trying to conceive. It''s not always a straightforward decision to stay on, make a change to, or get off some prescriptions entirely, and balancing the trade-offs is best done in partnership with your provider. You may already know where to start since most drugs are labeled with reproductive health warnings for pregnant and lactating women. Regarding male fertility and reproductive health? Not so much, which is why it''s so important for partners to do a workup too. FERTILITY TESTING If you want more insight into your reproductive health, there are a growing number of direct-to-consumer fertility tests on the market.

If you''re fertility curious, this is the best route, as doing the same panel in-office with your doctor without an underlying problem will not be covered by insurance. That said, if an abnormal result comes back, your doctor will rerun the test again in their own lab. At-home hormone tests are usually done via blood spot, which involves pricking your finger with a lancet and filling tiny circles on a card with blood, then mailing it back. For women, the markers they test are related to ovarian reserves (the number of available eggs in your ovaries) as well as ovulation and testosterone. For men, testosterone, estradiol, dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), and cortisol are the key markers tested. To evaluate sperm, the process is similar, though it requires a different sort of contribution and immediate drop-off for overnight delivery at your favorite shipping service. The test results are emailed, or released during another phone consultation with a physician, who will walk you through the findings. Testing isn''t mandatory, but if you have irregular cycles or reason to believe that you may have an underlying gynecological condition like PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) or endometriosis, talk about it in your preconception appointment and see if your provider thinks it''s necessary.

In-clinic testing is done via traditional blood draws in your doctor''s lab of choice. GENETIC CARRIER SCREENINGS A genetic carrier screening reveals whether you or your partner carry genetic markers for any of several health conditions, and how likely it is that your child will inherit it. Done.