Introduction 1 About This Book 1 Foolish Assumptions 2 Icons Used in This Book 2 Beyond the Book 3 Where to Go from Here 3 Part 1: Getting Started with Resilience 5 Chapter 1: Embarking on the Journey to Resilience 7 Resilience is for Everyone 7 What Determines Resilience? 8 Your genes 9 Childhood development 9 Culture 10 Psychological outlook 10 Coping habits 11 Social support 11 Humor 12 Spirituality 12 What Resilience is Not 12 The victim mindset 13 Learned helplessness 14 Hopelessness 15 Breaking the Victim Cycle 16 Cultivating the Six Pillars of Resilience 17 Developing physical hardiness 18 Achieving emotional equilibrium 18 Boosting mental clarity and toughness 18 Enriching spiritual connection 19 Establishing healthy relationships 19 Belonging to a community and becoming a leader 20 Chapter 2: The Basis of Resilience: Harmony Versus Stress 21 Without Stress, You Would Be Dead 21 The Perpetual Quest for Harmony 22 Examining the Stress Response Feedback Loop 23 Fight-or-flight 23 The feedback loop 24 Living in Disharmony: The Real Stress 25 Expecting a Good Outcome is the Key 26 Believing in Possible 27 Coping to Adapt, or Not 28 Maladaptive coping 29 Adaptive coping 30 Harmonizing Stress and Becoming Resilient 30 Quieting the stress response 31 Being open to learn and understand 31 Building and restoring 32 Chapter 3: The First Pillar: Physical Vitality and Flexibility 33 What Fitness Has to Do with Resilience 33 What Good is Success If You''re Sick or Dead? 34 Taking Survival of the Fittest for What It''s Worth 35 Using It or Losing It 36 Fueling Your Immune System 37 Assembling the Components for Physical Hardiness 38 Sleeping restfully 38 Eating a nutrient-rich diet 40 Engaging in physical activity 43 Relaxing and meditating 45 Aligning with nature 46 Chapter 4: The Second Pillar: Developing Mental Toughness and Clarity 49 What Kind of Mindset Do Resilient People Have? 50 Fixed Versus Growth Mindsets When It Comes to Resilience 51 Developing Mental Toughness 52 Getting in control 53 Making a commitment 55 Embracing challenges 56 Being confident 57 Accessing Mental Clarity 58 Chapter 5: The Third Pillar: Achieving Emotional Equilibrium 61 Emotions Exist for a Very Good Reason 61 How Emotions Influence Perception and Coping 63 Evaluating Your Feelings 64 Choosing to Manage Your Emotions 65 Calming Your Emotions By Calming the Stress Response 67 Shifting to Positive Detachment and Reappraisal 68 Enhancing Your Self-Awareness and Willingness to Grow 69 Always Choosing Love 70 Chapter 6: The Fourth Pillar: Cultivating Spirituality 71 What is Spirituality Beyond Religion? 71 Why Spirituality Supports Resilience 73 Recognizing the Power of Awe 74 Searching for Purpose 75 Accepting the Mystery and Process of Life 76 Becoming Peaceful through Humility 77 Expressing Loving Kindness 78 Finding Stillness 79 Feeling Lucky 80 Showing Compassion 81 Chapter 7: The Fifth Pillar: Striving for Quality Relationships 83 Enjoying the Journey, Even When It Hurts 84 Recognizing That It All Starts with a Relationship with Yourself 85 Choosing to Commit 86 Building Trust 88 Showing Respect 90 Establishing Healthy Boundaries 91 Improving Conscious Communication 93 Expressing Empathy 94 Giving and Receiving 95 Chapter 8: The Sixth Pillar: Belonging to a Community or Team 97 Recognizing How Community Fosters Individual Resilience 98 Becoming Stronger and Better Together 100 Stepping into Leadership 102 Sharing Values 104 Showing Respect 104 Building Trust 105 Being Able to Improvise 106 Finding Motivation 107 Having Fun 108 Part 2: Laying the Foundation 109 Chapter 9: The Practice of Listening: Quieting and Sharpening Your Senses 111 Deciding to Tune In to the Senses 112 Engaging in the Art of Listening 113 Being Aware of Stress Signals 114 Establishing Calm 115 The quieting breath 116 Experimenting with your breath 116 Practicing mindfulness as a calming tool 118 Listening to Your Body 121 Scanning the body 122 Mindfully tuning into empathy 124 Listening with Compassion 125 Developing self-compassion 125 Practicing compassion meditation 126 Chapter 10: The Practice of Gaining Deeper Insight 129 What is Insight? 129 Seeking Truth: The Journey to Insight 130 Quieting the Mind 132 Tapping into Intuition 133 Clearing the static 134 Mindfully tuning in 135 Enlivening Curiosity 136 Ask questions 137 Switch up the questions and give them direction 138 Relax into not knowing 138 Improve reception by being more receptive 138 Digging In to Emotions 139 Analyzing Insights to Make Decisions 141 Articulate the problem 142 Clarify objectives 143 Do some research 143 Activate your whole brain 143 Take a break 144 Make connections 144 Gaining Wisdom to Ask More Questions 144 Chapter 11: The Practice of Shifting Your Mindset 147 Co-Creating Your Life 148 Becoming Aware of Limiting Beliefs 149 Watching Your Words 150 "I can''t" 150 "Always" and "never" 151 "Should" 151 "I can do that, but____" 152 "This is who I am" 153 Introducing Stories 153 Scenario 1: Feeling insulted vs eager to learn 155 Scenario 2: Feeling shame vs accountable 155 Awareness exercise: Using emotions to tell a story 156 Challenging Assumptions 159 Toughening Up Mentally 160 Milking Meaning from Hardship 162 Step 1: Find lessons and inspiration 162 Step 2: Reappraise your story 163 Step 3: Count your blessings 163 Step 4: Ask for help 164 Step 5: Remember victories 164 Step 6: Take care 164 Step 7: Connect with love and awe 165 Changing Attitude to Optimism 165 Step 1: Practice mindfulness 165 Step 2: Change your words 166 Step 3: Deepen your connection with a force larger than yourself 166 Step 4: Shift your attitude to gratitude 167 Step 5: Be your own coach 168 Step 6: Enjoy the adventure 169 Part 3: Evaluating and Strengthening Relationships 171 Chapter 12: Improving Your Relationship with Yourself 173 Connecting Resilience with Self-Worth 174 Believing in Your Worth 175 Noting Self-Criticism 176 Evaluating Your Self-Value 177 Starting to Take Action 179 Practicing self-awareness 179 Making a conscious choice 180 Celebrating yourself 181 Keeping an inventory 182 Accepting and being your unique self 183 Holding on to your vision 184 Being loving toward yourself 184 Taking Care of YOU 185 Nourish yourself with nutrient-rich food 186 Exercise and stay active 186 Connect with support 186 Quiet your mind 187 Heal through your negative emotions 187 Have fun! 188 Appreciate all that you have and all that you are 188 It''s okay to rest 189 Allowing Love In 189 Chapter 13: Creating Quality Relationships 193 What Constitutes a Quality Relationship? 193 Evaluating Your Relationships 195 Making a list 195 Determining your level of commitment 196 Examining respect and healthy boundaries 198 Assessing trust and reliance 199 Evaluating communication and empathy 200 Taking a good look at reciprocity 201 Building Lasting Social Bonds 202 Communicating with presence and curiosity 202 Building trust and reliance 203 Supporting and being supported 204 Accepting and acknowledging 205 Settling differences 206 Investing time in and time out 207 Strengthening Bonds by Sharing 208 Sharing news and gratitude 209 Sharing goals and dreams 209 Sharing worries and fears 209 Sharing adventures 210 Sharing the mundane 210 Sharing physical contact 210 Sharing hearts 210 Chapter 14: Building a Resilient Community 213 Determining Who Your People Are 213 Evaluating Your Communities 214 Making a list 214 Sharing values 215 Committing to shared goals 216 Combining resources 217 Contributing and cooperating equally 217 Communicating effectively 218 Displaying sensitivity and empathy 218 Encouraging and celebrating 219 Exemplifying fairness and inclusivity 219 Having trusted leaders 219 Creating the Foundation for Your Community 220 Getting everyone to buy in on the goals 221 Aligning core values 222 Putting the right people in the right roles 224 Improving communication 227 Establishing guidelines for fairness and inclusivity 231 Chapter 15: Becoming a Resilient Leader 233 The Making of a Resili.