Get your Bodies and Lives Ready GET YOUR BODIES AND LIVES READY From genetic screenings to finances, sanity and a healthy pregnancy start before you conceive. This section may feel like it''s just for overachievers. Consider the below a menu of available options rather than a mandate. Conception, and later pregnancy and parenthood, is about stringing together the parts that feel right to you, and leaving those that don''t. Preparation for pregnancy is almost always focused on physical health--lifestyle cleanses, what to eat and do. While aspects like quitting birth control (and its accompanying gnarly hormone changes) are important to understand, if your partner is providing sperm, they should get to know how their lifestyle and health impact fertility and an eventual pregnancy. Their medical history, genetics, and daily choices are also major factors in conception. It''s not just about the raw materials.
Most new parents will tell you their relationship changed after having a baby. Some shift in wonderful ways; for example, a couple may feel more bonded. Other changes are less appealing, like having limited time together and less frequent sex or intimacy, or experiencing feelings of bitterness tied to lopsided responsibilities. And how could such a major event not change things? Family therapists suggest talking about your individual and shared parenting and life expectations before the fog of pregnancy hormones descends. Topics can span the financial implications of childcare, parental leave, sharing baby care and household duties, and values related to how you actually want to raise your child. Why do this now? Resentment is a huge issue for many couples. More women stay home to take care of their families than men,1 and almost all women, regardless of their professional status, take on more chores. Even in families where both partners work, moms do the majority of scheduling, household labor, and stay home when children get sick.
In the early days with an infant, especially if you''re breastfeeding, an equitable division of baby care is not a realistic goal--unless men learn to lactate. But there are plenty of ways that your partner can contribute (sanitation crew, anyone?). Pregnancy is the wildest transformation of most women''s lives. At times, you won''t feel, look, or even act like yourself. And no matter how marvelous or tuned-in your partner is, they will not completely understand the physical and emotional undertaking that is growing another human being. Instead of expecting psychic powers, tell them directly how to best support you, and be honest about how you''re feeling. And ask them the same questions. Though they aren''t living with the day-to-day of pregnancy, this is a big transition for them, too.
PRECONCEPTION CHECKUP If you already know whom you''d like to manage your prenatal care, now is a great time to schedule your first chat about improving your fertility and how to later have a healthy pregnancy. Not sure yet? Set an appointment with your current ob-gyn or gynecologist. Partners, this is a wonderful time to schedule that long-overdue physical or get a semen analysis. When you go in for an appointment, prepare for a slew of questions that will determine whether your pregnancy will require anything beyond standard-issue prenatal care, or extra steps during conception. Partners, you''ll hear many of the same questions, especially related to lifestyle, family history, and genetic screenings. Here are the questions you can expect: Age Family history Gynecological history (state of your period, current or past methods of birth control, STDs or abnormal Pap smears, history of infertility or past pregnancies) Medical history (chronic conditions, past surgeries or hospitalizations, exposure to infectious diseases) Medications and allergies (all prescription or OTC medications and supplements you are taking, including prenatal vitamins, and known allergies) Vaccinations (childhood history, Tdap [tetanus, diphtheria, acellular pertussis] vaccine, flu shot, and upcoming travel requiring vaccines) Lifestyle (profession; hobbies; relationship status; use of drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine; exercise, weight and dietary history) Emotional history (history of anxiety, depression or mood disorders, eating disorders, current or past domestic violence or sexual assault/rape) Genetic carrier screening (family history of birth defects, abnormalities, inherited disorders, miscarriages, or stillbirths) Pending the answers, your physician may order tests if you have hormone-related issues, get you up-to-date with missing vaccines, and make lifestyle-related suggestions. The latter will definitely include cutting alcohol and caffeine consumption and putting a full stop to smoking and recreational drug use. On that note, while it''s tempting to downplay questionable behavior with your physician, now is not the time for half-truths.
Studies show that women commonly conceal how much alcohol they consume, for example. If your practitioner is given incomplete or slightly fudged information, they can''t provide the best care. Partner, just because you won''t be carrying the baby doesn''t mean these rules don''t apply to you, too. More and more data shows that men''s behavior and habits impact sperm. Here are a few of the health and lifestyle factors that matter: Age (increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities over age forty) Smoking or vaping Drug and alcohol use (even cannabis, which changes sperm2) Weight and diet Medications, including prescriptions, OTC treatments, and supplements Cancer treatments Now back to you, ladies. Let''s get real: Pregnancy is a weird time for your body. New medical problems can start, ongoing issues can get worse, and all of these changes can affect the safety and efficacy of medications you''ve taken for years. Six out of every ten Americans have a chronic condition,3 and four in ten have two or more.
If you are in this large and growing pool, or take anything to manage your health, chat with your prescribing physician before trying to conceive. Yes, partners, this means you, too. Some prescription drugs can impact sperm quality and quantity, so ideally, take care of this a few months before you start trying to conceive. FERTILITY TESTING If you want even more insight into your reproductive health, there are a growing number of direct-to-consumer fertility tests on the market. The majority are available for under $300, and many can be purchased with your health savings account (HSA) or flexible spending account (FSA). Doing the same panel in-office with your doctor is not always covered by insurance, especially if it''s coded as elective, meaning it can be much more expensive to get most of the same information with them. These tests typically start with a quick physician phone screen. You''ll volunteer a brief medical history, and will be directed to submit a blood sample via a finger prick from home, or by swinging by a local blood-draw center.
The markers they test are related to ovarian reserves (the number and quality of available eggs in your ovaries) as well as ovulation and testosterone. The test results are emailed, or released during another phone consultation with a physician, who will walk you through the findings. Partners, there are test kits for your swimmers, too. The process is similar, though the testing of sperm quality and quantity requires a different sort of contribution. There are basic versions available to do at home with instant results, or mail-in kits that provide more in-depth findings. GENETIC CARRIER SCREENINGS Recalling the medical histories of every single family member and branch is challenging enough, even if you have access to those records. But some conditions don''t present in every generation, so you also may not know about them. Just in case you slept through high school biology, here is a crash course on the basics of genetic inheritance.
After cultivating and testing thousands of pea plants, a monk named Gregor Mendel discovered that three basic principles applied to the passing of traits from parents to their offspring. Mendel''s laws tl;dr: Offspring inherit one genetic marker from each parent independent of any others, and recessive markers will always be masked by those that are dominant. A genetic carrier screening reveals whether you or your partner carry a genetic marker for any of a number of conditions, and how likely it is that your child will inherit it.4 Done via blood draw, saliva sample, or cheek swab, it''s noninvasive and tests primarily for cystic fibrosis, sickle cell disease, fragile X syndrome, and Tay-Sachs disease. Consumer-grade tests are available to order online, but if you think you might be at higher risk, it''s best to do this screening through your physician. Screenings start with full medical histories and testing the partner with higher carrier risk. The types of conditions your doctor may ask about are more varied, and you may not be as susceptible to some based on your background. If the results from the first partner''s round of testing are clean, there is no need to do another, as it takes both of you for the condition to be an issue.
If you are both carriers for a serious condition, there are options. You can choose to get preg.