Introduction When you look in the mirror, do any of the following statements come to mind: "My dress is too tight. My waist is disappearing." "I can''t wear short sleeves anymore. My arms are too chunky." "My makeup settles in the lines on my face." "This haircut makes me look old. I looked better with long hair." If you''re over forty, most likely your answer is yes.

Midlife is a time of change for you and your body. Some changes may be for the better, but others can leave you feeling anxious, ineffective, and out of control -- especially when a youthful appearance is equated with sex appeal and is a ticket to approval and attention for women in our society. We know from research that women''s dissatisfaction with their bodies has skyrocketed since the 1960s, when worship of youth first came into vogue and ideals of beauty changed from the mature sensuous body of Elizabeth Taylor to the Twiggy look. It''s fascinating that during the sixties and seventies, when women were gaining more economic and other power in the world, that a prepubescent girl became the ideal. Could the world not handle a mature, sensuous, and powerful woman? Creating an ideal that so few women could achieve keeps women in line -- feeling bad about themselves. As women gained more freedom in the world, many felt imprisoned by this impossible ideal. Literature specifically on female body image at midlife is scarce and inconclusive. Although most of it suggests that women over forty tend to be unhappy with their appearance, a few studies indicate the opposite.

Clinical observation and case reports suggest that eating disorders are occurring with greater frequency in women over forty. Concerns about an aging appearance, including aging skin, can be associated with a drive for thinness and excessive dieting, factors that are key components in the development of eating disorders. Symptoms of eating disorders in midlife include: preoccupation with body image, use of over-the-counter or prescribed drugs to lose weight, exercise addiction, inability to make life transitions or to mourn significant losses, fear of aging, and unrealistic goals. In the workshops I conduct and in my private practice, I see many middle-aged women who 0don''t like (or even hate) how they look -- and the dissatisfaction affects virtually every aspect of their lives. Most do not meet the full diagnostic criteria for anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa, but have symptoms of a subclinical eating disorder such as restrictive dieting, exercise addiction, and obsession with their weight and shape. They come in to see me for other reasons, but their negative body image is what is holding them back. American culture has told them that they must have the bodies of twenty-year-olds to have value as women. Consequently, they long for and focus on an appearance that is impossible to achieve for all but a few.

In pursuit of this elusive goal, they often engage in destructive behavior, such as yo-yo dieting. The investment takes so much time and energy (psychic and otherwise) that they have little left to put into anything else. Instead of using midlife as an opportunity to explore themselves and the world around them, they are imprisoned by an obsession with every piece of food they eat and with their weight. When women fail to meet these impossible body-type standards, they feel bad about themselves. A forty-five- or fifty-year-old will tell me that she has no self-control, although she''s a wonderful mother, or one of the best fund-raisers in the city, or renowned for her work in her field. Deep inside she doesn''t experience her self-worth because her body isn''t perfect. I''ve also seen how women project onto their bodies bad feelings about themselves or tension in their relationships, leading them to binge and/or become exercise addicts. Nobody likes to see the signs of aging, and it''s natural to wish that you didn''t have crow''s-feet, lines on your neck, or weight that just won''t come off.

We all struggle at times with negative feelings about our bodies, and there''s more to be dissatisfied with after forty. But you don''t have to dwell on inevitable changes or become depressed about them. You can focus on the possibilities you do have and get on with your life. You can move from thinking, "If I have a certain look I''ll be sexy and attractive," to becoming a woman who honors the wisdom she has acquired over the years, knows who she is, and is sexy and attractive because of it. The chapters ahead are not simply about accepting yourself, however. They are about sculpting yourself into a vibrant, adult woman and using the wisdom and experiences you''ve gained to shape a new vision of what you want your life to look like. Our society tells us that midlife, generally considered to be the years from forty to sixty-five, is a stage of decline. In reality, it is an opportunity for renewal and strength -- a time to redefine who you are and what you want, and to set new goals.

I''m in midlife myself, and one of the things I love about being a baby boomer is being part of a group that questioned everything. We questioned as we marched in college, and we''ve continued to question and revise values we were taught about sex, politics, child rearing, women''s roles, and virtually everything else. Yet we haven''t questioned the issue of body image and a culture that tells us the ideal of beauty is a shape that is reed thin, rather than womanly, and that we''re supposed to have that shape at forty, fifty, and beyond. Ours is the generation that attempted to overthrow institutions in the hope of building more meaningful ones. Yet we aspire to look like anorexic actresses and childlike models with vacant stares, many of whom have undergone cosmetic surgery, endure dangerous eating habits, and devote much of their lives to working out. We may have taken off the girdles our mothers wore, but we haven''t discarded the girdle mentality. We see women exercising tremendous power in business and government, running companies, and having babies at forty five. Yet we still let society dictate an ideal of beauty that is often impossible to achieve and sometimes unhealthy.

And we beat ourselves up when we fall short of that ideal. In an era that heralds powerful women, a successful prosecutor is just as likely to spend lunch talking about how fat she is as about her latest case. A Body Image Revolution Our bodies have been through a lot, and they''re incredible. They menstruate every month, have babies, and then go through menopause. Yet rather than honor our bodies, we concentrate on what''s wrong with them. All of us, no matter how attractive we are, want to lose weight. Isn''t it past time to question this response -- and rebel? Midlife is a chance to shift into another, more satisfying way of being, one that is centered not on a perfect appearance but on becoming more authentic and alive. It is an opportunity to embrace the many strengths you possess, expand your capabilities, and, in the process, live a more adventurous, pleasurable, and meaningful life.

Many women are afraid of change. Fear can freeze you into old patterns that don''t work and hold you back. To get unstuck, you''re going to need new skills. Part of my mission in this book is to provide them. Along the way, I will help you take a serious look at what you lose in midlife, what you can gain, and how to grow up and blossom. The fact is, you can become more fit, looking and feeling sexier than when you were younger, with new approaches to exercise. Fitness is a crucial goal because it maximizes your physical, emotional, and social abilities, which make you a more effective person. Building a resilient, strong body is as important as building a resilient, effective self in midlife.

As your body grows stronger, you''ll find that you also develop a stronger voice in the world and the power to handle what life throws your way. The practical exercises and strategies in this book will help you deal with your fears of aging and turn them into tools for positive growth, emotional maturity, and increased spirituality. I will share creative strategies to help you overcome emotional eating and develop a healthy relationship with food. The stories of women from different ethnic groups will show you a different way to look at your own body. You will also learn how to help your daughter and other young women around you develop a healthy body image. Part of your transformation will involve a whole new way of thinking about yourself and your appearance. You''ll learn to look at the mistakes you''ve made as part of the fabric of life and use them as sources of information rather than reasons to punish yourself. You will search within to develop your own beauty ideal.

This is important because body dissatisfaction derives from the practice of judging yourself as deviating from the cultural standards of attractiveness. Remember, grown-up appeal, sexual and otherwise, is about attitude and energy, strong bodies, and openness to new possibilities. These traits are ageless and timeless, and others are drawn to them. You won''t make the shift to loving your body and yourself overnight. But by consistently and repeatedly practicing the techniques that follow, you will find that you gradually spend more of your time accepting your body and less time criticizing it. When you do feel bad about your appearance, you''ll learn ways to restore your newfound body acceptance faster. A little bit of change each day eventually leads to a marked improvement in body image. Middle age is the prime of your life -- a time to renegotiate your relationship with your body, your se.