When Erwin James stood in the dock of the Old Bailey awaiting his verdict on a charge of two murders, he was almost relieved when he heard the word 'guilty', knowing that a 'not guilty' would only send him back to the streets, the last place he wanted to be.Born in Somerset in 1957 to itinerant Scottish parents, Erwin James lost his mother when he was just seven. His father turned to alcohol and violence, and Erwin was shipped from home to home, subject to the whims of numerous caregivers. At the age of ten he was sleeping rough when he committed his first crime of breaking and entering. His teenage and early adult years were spent drifting, and his petty crime turned increasingly violent, ending with the terrible events that lead to a life sentence in 1984. Entering prison at 27, Erwin was barely able to face himself, his thoughts often turning to suicide. It wasn't until he met Joan, a prison psychologist, that he began to confront the painful truth of his past, and how it had shaped him from such a young age. Her sessions with him would turn his life around.

Encouraged to work hard on re-educating himself, over the next twenty years Erwin would go on to receive a BA in History, and become a regular columnist for the Guardian .Speaking to the very heart of the human condition, this is a book that offers no excuses - only the need to understand how we become who we become, and shows that no matter how far a person may fall, redemption is possible with the right kind of help. It is an important and timely memoir.