Chapter 1Where Do I Come From?A lot of our baggage comes to us from our childhood -- the rules we grew up with, the examples we grew up with. Here are a couple of quizzes to help you identify where you came from. I've set up this first quiz in terms of a conventional nuclear family, because even though not all of us grew up that way -- I know.I've experienced every kind of family life from nuclear to nuclear holocaust -- most of us grew up with the kind of gender baggage that's exemplified by the role-playing that goes on in a two-parent family.My Parents and Money1. Finances in my home were managed bya. Daddy.b.
There was no plan. Things were handled as they came up, and whoever got angriest won out.c. My parents discussed everything and made up a budget together.2. My mothera. Had no money in her own name.b.
Had a joint checking account with my father.c. Had her own bank account.3. My parentsa. Never talked about money.b. Argued a lot about money.
c. Discussed financial decisions.4. My mother's response when I asked to buy something wasa. "Ask your father."b. "We can't afford it."c.
"Let's see how it fits into our budget and what you're going to contribute to it."5. Our household budget was made bya. Daddy.b. Mom, but she had to bargain and cajole for every expense.c. The family -- money was considered a shared resource.
6. Discussion of money in front of the kidsa. Was never done.b. Was something Mom did behind Daddy's back.c. Was done openly.7.
If the family next door got the first color TV on the blocka. Daddy would decide that we could or couldn't get one. There was no discussion.b. Mom would bust Daddy's chops until we got one.c. There'd be a family discussion of where it fit into our budget and how everyone would contribute.8.
When Daddy was offered a new joba. We would move at Daddy's convenience.b. If we did move, Mom never forgave Daddy; if we didn't, Daddy never forgave Mom.c. We discussed and planned the move until we reached a mutual family decision.9. The picture we had of our family's overall condition wasa.
That we were well off and that Daddy would provide.b. That we were in financial difficulties. Mom never seemed to have confidence in Daddy.c. That Mom and Dad were open about what we could and could not afford; we knew they had a plan that would keep us clothed, housed, and educated.10. When the subject of money came up, my father's response to my mother would most likely bea.
"Don't worry your pretty little head about it."b. "Get off my back."c. "Let's sit down and discuss it."If many of your answers werea,you probably came from a rigidly traditional household where the father controlled the purse strings and money was absolutely not talked about. The baggage from this household contains the lace collars and high-button shoes that Grandma wore, alongside Grandpa's Victorian starched collars. To break free from this one, you're going to have to break free from the notion that there's safety and security in not knowing anything about money.
You're going to have to find new patterns and design new outfits that will reflect your new independent self.If most of your answers wereb,you probably came from a household with a transitional but still basically rigid household, where money was not a comfortable subject. This is the dark side of Donna Reed's Peter Pan collars, crinolines, and white gloves. It's Donna when the TV cameras were turned off. This one can be even harder to shed, because you may be afraid that conflict, danger, and hurt will result if you start taking too much of an interest in the details of your.