Unicorns are real. At least, I think they are. Dragons are definitely real. I have seen them. Chupacabras exist, too. Also Sasquatch. And mermaids--though they are not what you think. But back to unicorns.
When I, Professor Mito Fauna, was a young man, I lived in the foothills of Peru. One day, there were rumors in my town of a unicorn in danger, far up in the mountains. At that instant I founded the Unicorn Rescue Society--I was the only member--and set off to save the unicorn. When I finally located it, though, I saw that it was not a unicorn, but rather a qarqacha, the legendary two-headed llama of the Andes. I was very slightly disappointed. I rescued it anyway. Of course. Now, many years later, there are members of the Unicorn Rescue Society all around the world.
We are sworn to protect all the creatures of myth and legend. Including unicorns! If we ever find them! Which I''m sure we will! But our enemies are powerful and ruthless, and we are in desperate need of help. Help from someone brave and kind and curious, and brave. (Yes, I said "brave" twice. It''s important.) Will you help us? Will you risk your very life to protect the world''s mythical creatures? Will you join the Unicorn Rescue Society? I hope so. The creatures need you. Defende Fabulosa! Protege Mythica! Prof.
Mito Fauna Mito Fauna, DVM, PhD, EdD, etc Chapter One Uchenna gazed over the tropical island. Palm trees studded green hillsides. Rivers meandered through valleys. It was the most beautiful island she had ever seen. Unfortunately, it was only thirteen inches long and nine inches wide, because it had to fit in a baking pan. And it was made out of clay, dirt, twigs, and other materials she and Elliot had found around the playground. But it was way nicer than the landscapes of all the other kids in Ms. Vole''s class.
Pai Lu, with her black eyeliner and black nail polish and black pants and black shirt and black rings and black combat boots, had made a "blighted waste," as she called it. "Nothing can grow in this cursed land!" she''d announced. "Except for shadows and despair!" Uchenna didn''t really get Pai Lu. Shruti and Janey had made an arctic tundra--which just meant that they had filled their baking pan with ripped-up tissues. Uchenna found this ironic, because Janey constantly had a finger up her nose and Uchenna had never seen her use a tissue. And then there was Jimmy. Jimmy and Jasper and Jhonna had made a big brown lump. Uchenna figured it was supposed to be a mountain, or a hill, or maybe a dung heap.
(Which means a pile of poop; Jimmy was very into dung heaps.) For some reason, Jimmy was currently sticking pieces of brown clay up one of his nostrils. Definitely a dung heap, Uchenna thought. Just then, Elliot returned to the table with a watering can, grinning. "Ready to see how fresh water systems function on tropical islands?!" he asked. "I''m kind of more excited to see how Jimmy is going to get that clay out of his nose," Uchenna replied. "Don''t be silly! With these wells, lakes, and underground cave and tunnel systems we''ve created, we should be able to replicate the true behavior of a water table on a Caribbean island!" Elliot began to sprinkle water over one half of the landscape. Soon, the lakes they''d made began to fill up.
He kept pouring the water--amazingly, the lakes didn''t overflow. Instead, water began to appear in tiny wells they''d dug on the other side of the island. "Cool!" Uchenna exclaimed. "Right?! The water is running through our hidden, subterranean--" "No," Uchenna interrupted. "Jimmy''s trying to shoot the clay out of his nostril by pouring water in the other nostril. I guess their project is a geyser?" Jhonna and Jasper were clapping in rhythm, urging Jimmy on, as he leaned his head back and tried to angle the spout of a water pitcher up his nose. Ms. Vole finally noticed what was happening and hustled over to prevent Jimmy''s Nasal Geyser from erupting all over everything.
Just then, the door of the classroom burst open, revealing a tall man with a bushy beard, an enormous shock of black and white hair, and a disheveled tweed suit. His shoulders were rising and falling like he''d been running. "Excuse me, Ms. Vole!" announced Professor Fauna, in a voice as rich and rocky as the mountains of his native Peru. "I need to borrow--" Professor Fauna stopped speaking. Ms. Vole had Jimmy bent backwards over her knee, and she was reaching up his nose with her forefinger and thumb. "Uh, Ms.
Vole, what are you doing?" Ms. Vole looked up like she''d been caught. "Well . uh . it''s a science experiment." "Ah. I see. Anywhat, I need to borrow Elliot and Uchenna for the rest of the day.
" "For the rest of the day?!" exclaimed Ms. Vole. "Urgk!" said Jimmy, who still had Ms. Vole''s fingers up his nose. "It is very important," Professor Fauna assured her. "It''s a ." He looked at Elliot and Uchenna. They both shrugged.
"A science experiment!" he continued. "Like yours! I also have something stuck in my nose-holes! Elliot, Uchenna, follow me!" As Elliot and Uchenna followed the professor out of the classroom, they heard Janey say, "They get to skip class again ?" Shruti replied, "Yeah, but it''s always to do weird stuff with that weirdo Professor Fauna. They''re going to spend all day picking his nose!" Pai Lu made a gagging face. Janey, whose finger had found its way back up her nose, said, "Yeah, totally gross." Shruti gave her a look. "What?" said Janey. "I don''t pick other people''s noses!" Jimmy started screaming as Ms. Vole switched to a pipe cleaner to get the clay out of his nasal cavity.
Chapter Two "Pronto, chibolos! There is no time to waste!" Professor Fauna led them down the hallway at a brisk pace. Elliot and Uchenna had to hurry to keep up, firing questions as they went. "Where are we going?" Uchenna had a spring in her step. Elliot followed her, decidedly less enthusiastic. Professor Fauna was the founder of the Unicorn Rescue Society, a secret organization devoted to keeping the world''s mythical creatures safe from danger. Elliot and Uchenna were two of the youngest, and newest, members. They regularly accompanied the professor on his creature-saving missions. Usually, they all almost died.
Which was why Elliot was not enthusiastic. Professor Fauna led the children down two sets of stairs, into the subbasement of the school, and continued striding down a dark hallway, toward a door that used to sayjanitorial supplies, but now had a sign taped on it that read,mito fauna, dvm, phd, edd, social studies department. In the few months that they''d been members of the Unicorn Rescue Society, Elliot and Uchenna had already missed a great deal of school in order to travel to distant locations to save dragons and chupacabras and-- "JERSEY!" Elliot yelled. A blue blur bolted out of Professor Fauna''s office and slammed into Elliot''s chest. Jersey was a blue Jersey Devil with red wings. He was the first mythical creature that Elliot and Uchenna had ever rescued, and he had adopted them. "Come on, little guy, let the sweater live!" Elliot said as he tried to pull Jersey''s sharp talons off the cable-knit sweater his grandmother had knit for him. "Bubbe will kill me if this unravels.
" While Elliot wrestled with Jersey in the hallway, Professor Fauna was in his office, gathering up armfuls of old papers from his desk. He even unpinned one from the wall, rolled it up, and shoved it under his armpit. Then, arms overflowing with documents and maps, Professor Fauna pulled the door to his office closed behind him with his shoe. "Come, come!" he said, "¡El avión nos espera!" And, completely blinded by the papers, he made his way down the dark corridor. He walked directly into a large trash can. "¡Palabrota!" he muttered and changed course slightly. "What is going on?" Uchenna asked Elliot, gesturing at Professor Fauna. Elliot was still trying to get Jersey off his sweater.
"What do you mean?" he said. "He''s taking us on another reckless mission, in violation of school regulations and probably many national and international child protection laws." Elliot managed to get Jersey to cling to his face instead of his sweater. "What else is new?" "No. He''s acting even weirder than usual. Professor!" Uchenna called, hurrying after their wiry, wiry-haired mentor. "And what''s with all those papers?" At the end of the hallway, two steps led to a door markedemergency exit only. do not open.
alarm will sound. Professor Fauna pushed the door open with his hip. No alarm went off. They emerged into the faculty parking lot. "Looks like it might rain," said Uchenna, stopping and looking at the sky, which was heavy with low-hanging clouds. "Twenty-five percent chance of a massive storm," Elliot told her. "Up and down the East Coast. It''s been all over the weather reports.
" "Twenty-five percent chance," said Uchenna. "That''s not too bad." Elliot stared up at the clouds. "Twenty-five percent is a lot! It''s the likelihood that a baseball player gets a hit, or that you flip heads in a row two times, or that you step in dog poop in any given year." Uchenna shot Elliot a look. "You made that last one up." "I did. But it feels right, doesn''t it?" " ¡Vámonos!