Things don't always go the way you think they will and this story starts there. In 1991, my husband and I had been struggling with our marriage for quite a while and decided we should get a divorce. After all, we were childless, young, healthy, and ready to get out of this relationship which was making both of us unhappy. We actually discussed the details of the divorce in a rather civil way primarily because we were both so relieved we were finally going to get out of our shared misery. After this engaging divorce conversation that left us both comforted, we decided to celebrate our decision and engage in another activity. I know, I know, what was I thinking? Well, there was wine involved and evidently I wasn't thinking clearly. Two months after our initial divorce discussion, I was on the way to the lawyer's office to finalize the paperwork when I became violently ill. I know you need no drum role to figure out what happened next.

Don't rub it in, you're right, here I was 38 years old, beyond the verge of a divorce, and pregnant for the first time in my life. I thought it was some type of cruel cosmic joke. Her father and I decided to give it another attempt but 18 months after our daughter was born, we knew we should have kept with our plan to divorce. This book is based on our experiences over the past 20 years. We are not psychologists and we are not experts in parenting. We are not saintly people from whom compassion flows easily. We are what you might call mainstream America people; middle-aged, hard-working, law-abiding people. We are just like you in many ways, but one thing that makes us different is we started the co-parenting role after the marriage was over in our minds.

Therefore, we didn't struggle with confusing our marital issues with our parenting issues. We didn't have deep-seated anger, resentment, or hatred which often occurs during a divorce. We really only had one thing in common and it was our commitment to our daughter. Much of what you read in this book, you're going to roll your eyes at; I don't blame you, I rolled my eyes as they were happening. Much of what you read you may not believe; however, it is true. I think the primary reason we were able to live the way we did through her life is because we did not have marital baggage to deal with. Therefore, as you read this book and you truly believe you can't implement some of these ideas, please take care of yourself and invest in counseling to help get you to a place where you can make the commitment to your child(ren) to be the best parent you can be. Divorce is painful, divorce is ugly, divorce is hurtful, divorce is scary, divorce shatters your equilibrium, divorce forces financial adjustments, divorce is emotionally destructive, divorce can be devastating.

Okay, are we clear on this? But divorce doesn't have to be a process damaging to everyone involved. With focus, clarity, and commitment, you can participate in a life-changing experience and come out the other side with love for yourself and your child, the ability to heal, and confidence to enjoy a rewarding and fulfilling life. You want to refer to this book often and before a problem escalates. Be proactive, calm, open minded, and dedicated to finding a solution to meet the needs of everyone involved. When you encounter an instance for which you need guidance, check the table of contents to see if one or more topic(s) addresses your concern. Read each topic once, twice, maybe even three times to capture the entire essence of what is being said. If you don't find a specific topic that addresses your trepidation, close your eyes, pray for guidance, and drop your finger into the table of contents; wherever it lands, that is the topic you want to read.