Chapter 1: Basic Models and Care and Feeding of Your Toys If we approached the world of sex toys as a scientist might, trying to give them all categories based on purpose, species and usefulness, we might go a very long time until our next orgasm. Sure, in its widest definition, anything can be a sex toy--as any object, image or thing used for erotic stimulation is "in the eye of the beholder". But toys and novelties made for the express purpose of sexual gratification are a wild and wooly category of creatures ranging from the practical and reliable to the outrageous, silly, sometimes dangerous, and occasionally deliciously decadent. Sex toys have been around for centuries, but understanding the modern selection of toys found online and in your local sex shops requires only a minimal understanding of recent developments in sex toy evolution. Plainly put, there are "novelties" and there are toys made for sex. Confused? Most sex toys that you''ll find in garden-variety retail sex toys stores are created, marketed and sold "for novelty use only", meaning that while the toy companies explicitly know that people are using their toys for sexual use, they sell them categorized as "novelties". Why they do this is anyone''s guess; perhaps it''s so they can avoid responsibility for faulty merchandise, as many sex toys are made poorly (almost all novelty sex toys are made cheaply in Chinese factories), or perhaps it''s so they can make outrageous claims on the packaging and marketing materials. Novelty sex toys are the most widely available as they have a virtual stranglehold on American distribution, and they are the least expensive.
In practical terms, this is not such a bad thing. You''ll find the widest selection and best prices in the novelty toy market, making these toys a great place to try new things without breaking the bank; getting a certain size, shape or functionality you desire; or for finding that exact shade of pink you prefer. Novelties often feature the latest innovations in design and use--but also tend to break easily, some are made with noxious materials, and they can ship defective with user-unfriendly return policies. Technically speaking, novelties aren''t made for sex, but they can conjure an orgasm pretty well. Identifying these toys in stores is easy, as they have the most polished, or garish (and sometimes offensive) packaging, "for novelty use" is printed somewhere on the package, and they typically come from companies such as Doc Johnson, Vibratex, Pipedream or Adam and Eve. In any case, it''s always "buyer beware" when purchasing a sex toy, and nowhere is it more essential for the consumer to be prepared with knowledge about the products, even before plunking down $5 on a plastic discount vibrator. Not all sex toys are sold as novelties; the ones made for sex come from independent manufacturers and are created with the consumer''s pleasure as their express purpose. There are a growing number of high-quality sex toy companies in the United States and the U.
K. who do not market their toys as novelties, and prize sexual health and pleasure as the key building blocks of both their businesses and their products. Many of these companies are women-owned, though many have as yet to break into the "old boys'' network" of distribution to novelty stores. You can find products--or rather, "pleasure instruments"--from Tantus, Vixen Creations, Fun Factory and Sportsheets are mostly online and in "women friendly" stores and sex toy boutiques that hand-pick their product selections. These companies have raised the bar on what people expect when they plunk down their hard-earned cash for something nice to shove up their asses. So there are novelties, and there are "pleasure instruments", and you can expect to find many of these toys displayed side-by-side at reputable retailers. Sometimes you''ll even see them making identical toys; the decision to buy a novelty (or not) is simply a question of quality, price, and convenience. Know what you''re looking for, and what you''ll likely encounter online and in stores, and you''ll be a smart--and in the end, satisfied--customer.
Vibrators Nowhere is the sex toy zoo more exciting and diverse as the world of vibrators. It''s safe to say that if someone''s imagined it, someone somewhere has made a vibrator of it. Even though you can find vibrators that mount on your tongue or fit on the end of your finger, or resemble whimsical waterproof rubber duckies, and even penises, it''s not always going to be easy to find the vibrator you want. While debate rages on in sex toy circles about what the "classic" vibrator is, it''s safe to say that the most iconic vibrator is the rocket-shaped Slimline vibe. It''s the vibrator that most people imagine when they think of the word "vibrator". And it''s a classic for a reason: while it''s been featured since the 1970s in magazine back page ads for "massagers" and in countless porn films, iit''s also a really solid vibrattor, still outselling its younger, more modern counterparts. The Slimline is a plastic cylinder with a narrow tip; it comes in a variety of sizes from keychain-sized to nine inches long, and it typically has a variable-speed dial. Made of hard plastic, it''s terrific for external stimulation or firm internal penetration, and these vibes tend to have a healthy lifespan.
It''s also interesting to note that hard plastic vibes amplify vibration, making them stronger vibrators than their rubber- or silicone-encased counterparts (softer materials absorb vibration). [SIDEBAR:] Batteries and Vibrators Battery-powered vibes typically run on AA, AAA, C, or watch batteries. For stronger vibrations use fresh batteries; already-used batteries provide a lighter buzz. Always wash your hands after handling batteries. To prolong the life of vibrator and batteries, remove the batteries when not in use. Double that precaution before an airplane trip; no one wants an accidentally turned-on vibe buzzing in their suitcase when navigating the perils of airport security. [END SIDEBAR] Another common vibrator is the egg, or bullet, vibe. These look just like their eponymous names and usually have a cord trailing out of one end attached to a controller containing the batteries and the on/off (or adjustable) power switch.
These are primarily external use only vibes, meant for clitoral stimulation. Some people do insert these, though it''s not recommended because pulling on the cord (like a tampon) for retrieval is a shaky situation with these cheaply made vibes, and the cord may unexpectedly detach form the bullet, leaving it inside. Some bullet vibes have advanced controllers with programmable microchips, and while on the pricy side, are worth it for an extremely arousing range of pulses, beats, variations and "rollercoaster" effects. Hand-held vibes come in varieties too numerous to list here, but models of interest include the Pocket Rocket, the Hitachi Magic Wand, the Tongue and the ergonomic Natural Contours. The Pocket Rocket is a simple, one-speed finger-sized external vibe marketed for acupressure, but fits neatly in a purse or pocket (hence the name).