Introduction and Philosophy If someone came to you one day and said you couldn''t use a toilet anymore, that you had to use this newfangled thing that was nearly as big as you are and made loud, scary noises! You''d probably be a little confused and intimidated. Does this perspective give you some idea of what your child is about to experience? Good! That''s what this book is all about: Helping parents view things from a child''s point of view. Potty training should be stress free for parents, and (as much as possible) for kids, too! Stressing about this major milestone will only harm the process, bog it down, and eventually, derail it. So, in keeping it stress free, you are doing what''s best for your son or daughter. You--being the conscientious parent that you are--want to go about potty training in a careful, thoughtful way that considers your child''s individual needs. You know this is a big step and you want to make it as easy and comfortable for your "baby" as possible. You''ve probably heard horror stories from other parents and want to avoid getting into those kinds of situations yourself. In short, you want to do right by your child.

Our Philosophy Our methods are not tricks we guarantee will work in a prescribed amount of time. Nor do we give you step-by-step directions that if followed result in absolute certain success. Parents do not control this process, nor do we really control any process with our children. That might sound shocking, but get used to the idea that you are not really in charge here. Our philosophy is that as parents we can manage and influence the training, but that children themselves control it. They have their own natural pace at which they will learn to use the toilet. Through thoughtful planning and effective communication with your unique child, you are setting the stage for your child to own the process and be successful at it. If you''re like many parents, you may feel overwhelmed at the thought of starting to potty train.

Unlike riding a bike, you probably have no memories of learning bathroom skills as a child, so how can you teach them to your son or daughter? To boot, others (maybe your mother- or sister-in-law, or that oh-so-helpful neighbor .) are often watching over your shoulder, which can leave you anxious and unsure in your abilities to handle this fundamental parenting task. You''re not sure about the hype of those train-in-one-day programs, but on the other hand, can''t imagine doing nothing until your child decides to do train on his own. After all, he has no trouble walking around in a wet or dirty diaper for hours. What all this tells you, is that you can''t start by planning on the exact amount of time it is going to take to train! (Talk about setting yourself up for failure.) Every child potty trains differently; besides, even those one-day methods take a great deal more days in preparation. We believe toileting proficiency is one of the most important skills you''ll teach your child, fundamental to personal hygiene, health, even social relationships for the rest of his/her life. Being comfortable with one''s own body starts with this first foray into being responsible for oneself.

So, you don''t want to rush in headlong without a thoughtful plan. We recognize, of course, that you don''t want to dilly dally either. You want to instruct your child in the most insightful, caring way possible, and to do that you must take his or her individual personality into account. But where to begin? You don''t want to miss your window of opportunity with your toddler, but you don''t want to force the issue too early and short-circuit the whole process either. Welcome to the real world of parenting, where there''s no magical solution to any tough issue, just advice from experts and veteran parents, a multitude of proven strategies and tons of moral support, and of course, your own instincts and knowledge of your child--the most important ingredient. In fact, you already have the knowledge you need to help your toddler potty train; you just may need to be pointed in the right direction. You know your child best. You know everything about him.

You know his likes and dislikes, what motivates him most, and the signs he''s reached his breaking point. For example: You know if you get him up and out the door before 9 a.m. he''ll be in a great mood all morning, but if you dally and miss the window of opportunity, he''ll become cranky an hour before his regular naptime. You know it takes her a good 15 minutes to warm up to anyone besides you and your spouse, even her beloved grandparents. You know how to say "no" in many different ways, because if you just came out and said it flatly, he''d double his efforts to do whatever is off limits. You know she''ll be climbing on top of your childless friend''s brandnew glass coffee table before your visit is over. You know he''ll copy anything his 5-year-old cousin does.

You already know this and much more about your child. You''re the expert. Believe it or not, these are the keys to unlock that potty-training door. Our Approach What Stress-Free Potty Training does is channel that knowledge and helps you figure out what kind of approach will work best. Dr. Pete Stavinoha, a dad and pediatric neuropsychologist, will give you a peek inside your child''s mind and help you potty train based on his or her individual personality. Sara Au, a mom and parenting writer, has culled together experiences from other parents across the country who are either in the midst of or have recently finished potty training their children. We know your child is unique, special, and already has his or her own individual personality.

The kinds of attempts that may have worked for your sister (or sister-in-law!), your neighbors or your friends, make you shake your head in defeat because you know those things won''t work for your child. And you know what? You''re probably right! Children don''t all respond alike, especially when it comes to something as personal as potty training. What prods one child in the direction of the bathroom could just as often cause another to run screaming in the other direction. Child psychiatrists Drs. Stella Chess and Alexander Thomas are frequently credited with bringing to bear modern views of temperament in children. Over the past fifty years, researchers have identified a number of characteristics that describe how children interact with the people and world around them. Whereas scientists are not in complete agreement