Preface xiii Acknowledgments xvii Chapter 1 A House Divided 1 Facts about Divorce 2 Chapter 2 Moving Ahead: Telling Children about Your Divorce 13 Concrete Thinkers in an Abstract Situation 17 When Your Child Is No Longer a Child 24 Academic Performance 26 Boys and Girls React Differently 26 Adjustments Abound 28 Mourning the End of a Marriage 29 Not Enough Hours in the Day, Not Enough Friends in the World 32 One Magical Wish 34 Chapter 3 Custody Options: The Best Interest of the Child 35 Joint versus Sole Custody 37 Chronic Mental Illness Leads to a Topsy-Turvy World 39 Active Alcoholism or Other Drug Abuse and Children Don''t Mix 41 Physical or Sexual Abuse: Confounding Dilemmas 42 Violating Orders, Communication Failure, Obstructing Visits 43 Endangering Your Children 44 Separate Lives under One Roof, Then the Great Divide 46 Giving Up Placement 48 Grandparents: Help or Hindrance 49 Chapter 4 Navigating the Legal Waters 51 Finding an Attorney 51 Don''t Be Attracted by Unrealistic Promises 55 Avoid "Hired Guns" and "Dirty Tricks" Attorneys 56 Switching Attorneys 58 Telling Your Story in Court 59 Acting as Your Own Attorney 60 Mediation as a First Step 61 Collaboration 64 Arbitration 68 The Court Process 69 Custody Disputes 72 The Guardian ad Litem 72 The Custody Study 76 Custody Evaluation 76 To Supervise or Not to Supervise 83 Relocation Cases 85 Going Back to Court 88 Chapter 5 Two of Everything? Dealing with the Practicalities of Placement and Custody 93 Placement of Young Children 96 The Ackerman Plan 98 Bad Schedules 100 General Rules 101 Separating Children 105 Uninterrupted Time 106 Different Cities: Creating a Placement Road Map 107 Making Things Work under New Rules 109 The Master Schedule 109 The Parenting Plan 111 Visits and Flexibility Work Hand in Hand 114 Dividing Property with an Eye n Details 119 Parents'' Rights 121 College Education 125 Religious Training 126 Phone Calls 127 Presents 129 Vacations 129 Finances 130 Parents Working after a Divorce 131 Chapter 6 How to Parent Apart 132 The Family Conference: Increasing Avenues of Communication 133 A United Front 134 Making Placements Better 134 Power to the Children 138 Children as Coequals 139 Sleeping Arrangements 140 Children in the Middle 140 A Different Sort of Communication 143 Fighting in Front of the Children 144 Where to Live 146 Problems with the Other Parent 147 Parents Who Won''t Visit 148 Lack of Cooperation 149 Chapter 7 Maltreatment 152 Physical Abuse 154 Who Will Be the Abusers? 154 Proving Abuse 156 Consequences of Childhood Physical Abuse 157 Family/Domestic Violence 159 Domestic Violence and Custody 161 To Stay or Not to Stay: Is That Your Quandary? 164 Emotional/Psychological Abuse 165 Sexual Abuse 167 Who Are the Sexual Abusers? 169 Evaluating Sexual Abuse 169 If You Think Your Child Has Been Sexually Abused 170 Sexual Abuse Allegations: True or False? 172 Devastating Effects of Sexual Abuse 176 Warnings!!!!!!! 181 Chapter 8 The Only Certainty in Life Is Change 183 Move-Away Placement Plan 186 Longer Lasting Reactions 187 A Plan to Make Everyone Feel Better 188 The Challenge of Additional Adjustments 188 Remarriage 192 The Role of the Stepparent 194 Disciplining Children 195 Cementing Relationships 197 The Other Extended Family 197 Change as Children Grow Older 198 Chapter 9 Custody Do''s and Don''ts 200 A Boy Named Chris 201 Custody Do''s 207 Custody Don''ts 217 Chapter 10 Resources Abound 224 Psychiatrists 225 Psychologists 226 Social Workers 228 Professional Organizations 229 Current Resources on Child Custody/Divorce 231 Index 241.